It Is Well

My testimony begins….

     I had an idol, my career. I was a single mom raising my kids and my priority, as they became older work became my priority. I needed more in life, and thought I was finding it in my career. I was seeking love, compliments and acceptance, all of which I never had in my life. I was in an emotional abusive marriage to an alcoholic, and this left me lacking the security I needed, and caused me to search for it elsewhere. I attended a church in Southern California, but started to become more distant and became obsessed with work and moving up in the Company I worked for. This company was a consistent part of my life since my teen years. It was the stability and gratification in my life, and I believed it was providing all I needed.

     Throughout those years I sought self-gratification through hard work. I worked endless hours and my Idol took over my life. I moved my location many times for promotions, and what I believed was consistency was turning out to be the most inconsistent and self-destructive thing in my life. This was controlling me, like an addiction and I couldn’t stop it. Years of living for work took its toll on my physical, mental and emotional health. Yet, I pushed harder and because of that I kept injuring myself. This became an endless pursuit that eventually lead to my health issues today.

     I know now that the Lord was trying to get my attention all those years, but I didn’t listen. I kept pushing myself in destructive patterns of  working,  spending, drinking and getting myself into bad relationships.  I worked more and more so I could spend more and more. With every bad relationship I was left more empty than before and nothing was satisfying me. I longed for a true relationship, and I longed for fulfillment.  With each passing failure, I threw myself deeper and deeper into my career. This was the cycle that lead to my debilitating physical state that I live with today.

     My life changed  when my neck and back caused me disabling pain and multiple surgeries. I could no longer work and my income dropped drastically. All I lived for was gone and I felt alone. Through all of this I came to know my true fulfillment came from God, and through Jesus I saw my saving Grace. This was the beginning of my faith journey.

     I now spend hours throughout everyday with the Lord. He’s so forgiving, accepting and selfless. If I didn’t have the Lord in my Life I would not be able see beyond my pain and everyday would seem hopeless. He has become my reason to live in place of all those unhealthy things I used to strive for.  My life is very difficult with acute chronic pain and multiple medications, but it is my faith in God that I turn to in these times. As I pray and look to God,  I ask Him to help me through the tough days, and it is through His healing Love that I am able say, “It Is Well”.

     Now, my life is full and I am blessed through my faith and the knowledge of God’s great love. I also feel blessed to have an emotional support cat  that brigs me comfort, along with the reminders of love from my family through visits and phones calls that brighten my day.  These are the things that give me strength to endure painful days. Where I used to strive for love in all the wrong places, I now live knowing I am loved in all conditions! This is all because of Jesus!